30 Life Lessons

Before Passing Along Valuables, Passing Along Values

Why legacies and life lessons are an increasingly important part of estate planning

By ROBERT POWELL

Todd Fithian recently made a film for his four children.

"I took the time to capture my stories, life lessons and family traditions, many of which have been passed down to me from my parents," says Mr. Fithian, a 43-year-old managing partner of Legacy Cos., a Hingham, Mass., consulting firm to financial advisers. "These things have a trickle-down effect, but rarely do we take the time to capture them."

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Mr. Fithian's video is part of a burgeoning effort in estate-planning circles to ensure that life lessons are passed on to loved ones. Educators, financial advisers and technology providers are approaching the task on two fronts: encouraging and helping older adults to share their stories and values before they die, and teaching adult children and grandchildren how to tap their parents' and grandparents' thoughts.

"The admonishment I would pass along, both to seniors and their adult children, is to be proactive about [addressing] one's tangible estate and the often more impactful intangible legacy," says Tim Maurer, vice president of Financial Consulate, a financial-management firm in Hunt Valley, Md., and co-author of "The Ultimate Financial Plan: Balancing Your Money and Life."

A case in point: the Legacy Project, founded by Karl Pillemer, a professor of human development in the College of Human Ecology at Cornell University and author of "30 Lessons for Living." on the project's website (legacyproject.human.cornell.edu) and its YouTube channel, users can read and listen to lessons from hundreds of older Americans on more than a dozen subjects, including careers, marriage and parenting.

Take the topic of risk. Much of the advice tends toward the bold. "What you are going to regret is what you didn't do rather than what you did," Mr. Pillemer says. "It's criminal if you don't take advantage of the opportunities that come up in your life."

Holiday and family gatherings provide an opportunity to capture some of the wisdom elders have to offer. Adult children and grandchildren can start by asking older relatives to share memories and anecdotes—but shouldn't stop there, Mr. Pillemer says. If a grandparent served in World War II, for example, don't just listen to those stories or details of time in the service—ask what he or she learned from that experience.

"Ask them for their life stories, but try to tap their life's wisdom," Mr. Pillemer says. "If you ask a person for advice, it empowers them. It honors a person's life experience."

Mr. Fithian says the more relaxed the setting, the better. "I have seen many families and advisers put too much pressure on the 'right way' to perpetuate and leave a lasting legacy—and the result is often nothing," he says. In a casual setting, he adds, you can begin the process "without anybody realizing it."

One technique: sitting around the table or in front of a fire and having each generation talk about a family tradition they love and their view of how it became a family tradition.

George Kinder, president of the Kinder Institute of Life Planning in Littleton, Mass., which trains financial advisers, says a growing number of websites and tools—such as Yourafterlife.com, where you can write your digital autobiography—can help "adult children pry life lessons out of reluctant or shy seniors."

Older adults should also consider drafting an ethical will, a document that transmits your core values and principles, says Mr. Pillemer. "It can be very powerful for themselves and their families," he adds.

Indeed, life lessons should take priority in estate planning, says Jim Stovall, author of "The Ultimate Gift," in which the main character passes on 12 life lessons to his grandson. "I think it is critical that people pass along their values before they pass along their valuables," he says. "Giving second- or third-generation family members resources without a mental, emotional and informational foundation is like giving them a loaded weapon without instruction or caution."

Mr. Powell is the editor of Retirement Weekly and a columnist at MarketWatch.com.